ADE'S FABLES
BY
GEORGE ADE
BY THE SAME AUTHOR
_The College Widow, In Pastures New, Knocking the Neighbors, Fables in Slang_
_Illustrated by John T. McCutcheon_
GARDEN CITY NEW YORK DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & COMPANY 1914
_Copyright, 1912, 1913, by_ COSMOPOLITAN MAGAZINE
_Copyright, 1914, by_ DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & CO.
_All rights reserved, including that of translation into foreign languages, including the Scandinavian_
CONTENTS
PAGE
The New Fable of the Private Agitator and What He Cooked Up 3
The New Fable of the Speedy Sprite 23
The New Fable of the Intermittent Fusser 43
The New Fable of the Search for Climate 62
The New Fable of the Father Who Jumped In 83
The New Fable of the Uplifter and His Dandy Little Opus 100
The New Fable of the Wandering Boy and the Wayward Parent 119
The New Fable of What Transpires After the Wind-up 137
The Dream That Came Out with Much to Boot 155
The New Fable of the Toilsome Ascent and the Shining Table-Land 171
The New Fable of the Aerial Performer, the Buzzing Blondine, and the Daughter of Mr. Jackson 193
The New Fable of Susan and the Daughter and the Granddaughter, and then Something Really Grand 212
The New Fable of the Scoffer Who Fell Hard and the Woman Sitting By 237
The New Fable of the Lonesome Camp on the Frozen Heights 257
The New Fable of the Marathon in the Mud and the Laurel Wreath 281
ILLUSTRATIONS
"You are entitled to One Hundred Thousand Dollars," murmurs the stealthy Promoter. _Frontispiece_
FACING PAGE
Every time he sauntered carelessly across the porch, he gave a correct Imitation of a troop of Cavalry going over a Wooden Bridge 43
Table of contents (by pages)
- 1: Ade's Fables by George Ade
- 2: But Ambition came back with a revised Program
- 3: And there is Ambition once more at his Elbow
- 4: In every Palm Room there are more Millionaires than Palms
- 5: The Dime Denouncers printed his Picture
- 6: He never had been strong enough to stand off Ambition
- 7: Loretta trolleyed herself down into the Noise Belt
- 8: After letting contracts for Milk and Vegetables
- 9: With Loretta as principal Rooter
- 10: A merry little Group went slumming Saturday afternoon
- 11: He had sketched a little synopsis of the Future
- 12: Andrew's Swipe with a wooden Club
- 13: Or throw himself at the fallen Handkerchief
- 14: Life became a kaleidoscopic Aurora Borealis
- 15: And he would run around and around in a Circle
- 16: Searching in vain for a Workingman's Appetite
- 17: Scooping up the Climate as he scooted along
- 18: And the Piney Woods only made him Pine more than ever
- 19: His Complexion was a Bird's Eye Maple
- 20: And with nothing to inhale except Ozone
- 21: One day Bernice was a Little Girl
- 22: With Bernice sitting out in front and Encoring
- 23: When Kenneth got around to these
- 24: It became evident to her that if Kenneth truly loved her
- 25: Regarded him as an awful Iconoclast
- 26: He would hike back to the Study
- 27: The Music was written by Genius No
- 28: He said the whole Trick was a Bloomer
- 29: While getting his Board for nothing
- 30: Elmer was right there with a Pitcher of Ice Water
- 31: And the Country Club became a Necessity
- 32: Elmer was doubled up in Section 8
- 33: Elmer was branded as a Dead One
- 34: With Ferdinand and Adele holding the Picture
- 35: He was strong for the Married State
- 36: Here was a grand Opening for Ferdinand
- 37: Being measured for something additional
- 38: They would hold hands and simply eat those Colored Slides
- 39: Selena pulled her tall grass French on a Hackman
- 40: Selena was still buying Souvenirs
- 41: Japan they liked the best of all
- 42: With Goose Goose on the Aureole
- 43: In pleading the cause of Labor
- 44: Sylvester became the White Slave of the Central Committee
- 45: In course of time his Hair outgrew the Legislature
- 46: Sylvester and his glossy Trunk arrived at the Mecca
- 47: As if Negotiating for a Bread Ticket
- 48: He found Elphye ever and ever so accomplished
- 49: Dipped in a Gourd from the Moss Covered Bucket
- 50: Annie was looking right at him
- 51: He also had lost his appetite for Elphye
- 52: Rufus was destined to be an Early Victorian Rummy
- 53: And was living at the County Seat with Hiram
- 54: But she longed in secret and Hiram suspected
- 55: Part of State Street had been wished on to Willoughby
- 56: Favorite Daughter of Willoughby and Frances
- 57: Ethel was simply de termined to have that Necklace
- 58: Pallzey had heard of the new Diversion for the Idle Rich
- 59: Pallzey of the Wholesale District
- 60: Pallzey went away not knowing that he was a Marked Man
- 61: Pallzey wanted to do the White Mountains
- 62: He was what might be called a sub Duffer
- 63: There is one Elam in every Settlement
- 64: Seeing Claudine at the corner of 8th and Central
- 65: Elam and Claudine had a Cook named Gusta
- 66: When Elam and Claudine entered the Hotel
- 67: Claudine became slightly puffed
- 68: Claudine would chide Elam for his early Doubts and Fears
- 69: Aleck was the first Prospector to show
- 70: So the first thing you know Aleck was a Drummer
- 71: Aleck could smell a Phoney before he opened the Envelope
- 72: Whom Alexander Campbell Purvis never had seen