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The Beaver, Vol. I, No. 4, January 1921 by Company

Vaccination Problem Classical Dancer Doctor


Mistah

Jackson--"T'aint dat, sah; t'aint dat. Mah wife jes' been an' landed a job o' work for me by advertisin' in youh darned ole papah."

_Didn't Need To_

A young Irishman recently applied for a job as life-saver at the municipal baths.

As he was about six feet six inches high and well built, the chief life-saver gave him an application blank to fill out.

"By the way," said the chief life-saver, "can you swim?"

"No," replied the applicant; "but I can wade like blazes!"

_He Got the Job_

Police Commissioner--"If you were ordered to disperse a mob what would you do?"

Applicant--"Pass around the hat."

P.C.--"You'll do."

_Two Strings to Her Beau_

He--"If you could only have two wishes come true, what would you wish for?"

She (frankly)--"Well, I'd wish for a husband."

He--"That's the only one."

She--"I'd save the other wish until I saw how he turned out."

_Well! Well!_

"I say, who was here with you last night?"

justify;">"Only Myrtle, father."

"Well, tell Myrtle that she left her pipe on piano."

_Fifty-Fifty_

A man from Toronto reported that an African resident of that city did a rattling business in rabbit sausages, until some of his customers began to question the quality of the goods. A committee waited on the merchant, and asked him if any meat other than that of rabbits went into the sausages. He reluctantly admitted that there was another meat in them, and when pressed further said that the dilution was by means of horse meat. The chairman of the committee then asked him the proportion of the two ingredients, and he said fifty-fifty. The committee started to withdraw when a heretofore silent member raised the question as to what the merchant meant by "fifty-fifty." "Why, boss, by fifty-fifty ah means one rabbit and one hawss."

_All Engaged_

An Irishman who had lately come over was sent to call a taxi. In about half an hour he returned and reported as follows: "Some wan be the name of Hire has the most of thim ingaged, and the only wans he didn't have some wan else had."

_Slim, Slimmer, Slimmest_

Last week we read of a firm--manufacturers of petticoats--which went into bankruptcy. They stated in explanation that women, in the shrinking process of appearing taper, had ceased wearing 'em.

To-day we notice the advertisement of a ladies' tailor: "Suits made to order, with or without material."

Without material? Gad Zooks!

We cut out that ad and burned it lest our wife should find it.

_Some Ditty_

There was a young man from the city, Who met what he thought was a kitty; He gave it a pat And said, "Nice little cat!" And they buried his clothes out of pity.

_Vaccination Problem_

Classical Dancer--"Doctor, I want to be vaccinated somewhere where it won't show."

Doctor--"Well, miss, I'm afraid I will have to vaccinate internally."

_The Safety Vent_

"A friend of mine fell asleep in the bathtub with the water running."

"Did the tub overflow?"

"Nope; luckily he sleeps with his mouth open."

[Illustration: The smoking tobacco of yesterday, to-day and tomorrow]

H.B.C. IMPERIAL MIXTURE "_Canada's National Smoke_"

_The Tin with the Humidor Top_

[Illustration: --_Obtainable in 1/10, 1/5, 1/2 and 1 lb. tins at good dealers everywhere_]

* * * * *

Transcriber's Notes:

Obvious unintentional spelling (Canadian English) & punctuation errors repaired.


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