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A CHRISTMAS GARLAND
_woven by_
MAX BEERBOHM
LONDON MCMXXI
WILLIAM HEINEMANN
First printed, October, 1912.
New Impressions, October, 1912; December, 1912; December, 1912; July, 1918; September, 1918; March, 1931.
Copyright, 1912.
BY THE SAME AUTHOR
THE WORKS OF MAX BEERBOHM MORE YET AGAIN
A CHRISTMAS GARLAND
THE HAPPY HYPOCRITE ZULIEKA DOBSON SEVEN MEN AND EVEN NOW
CARICATURES OF TWENTY-FIVE GENTLEMEN THE POETS' CORNER THE SECOND CHILDHOOD OF JOHN BULL A BOOK OF CARICATURES FIFTY CARICATURES
NOTE
_Stevenson, in one of his essays, tells us how he "played the sedulous ape" to Hazlitt, Sir Thomas Browne, Montaigne, and other writers of the past. And the compositors of all our higher-toned newspapers keep the foregoing sentence set up in type always, so constantly does it come tripping off the pens of all higher-toned reviewers. Nor ever do I read it without a fresh thrill of respect for the young Stevenson. I, in my own very inferior boyhood, found it hard to revel in so much as a single page of any writer earlier than Thackeray. This disability I did not shake off, alas, after I left school. There seemed to be so many live authors worth reading. I gave precedence to them, and, not being much of a reader, never had time to grapple with the old masters. Meanwhile, I was already writing a little on my own account. I had had some sort of aptitude for Latin prose and Latin verse. I wondered often whether those two things, essential though they were (and are) to the making of a decent style in English prose, sufficed for the making of a style more than decent. I felt that I must have other models. And thus I acquired the habit of aping, now and again, quite sedulously, this or that live writer--sometimes, it must be admitted, in the hope of learning rather what to avoid. I acquired, too, the habit of publishing these patient little efforts. Some of them appeared in "The Saturday Review" many years ago; others appeared there more recently. I have selected, by kind permission of the Editor, one from the earlier lot, and seven from the later. The other nine in this book are printed for the first time. The book itself may be taken as a sign that I think my own style is, at length, more or less formed._
_M.B._
Table of contents (by pages)
- 1: A Christmas Garland by Sir Max Beerbohm
- 2: G rge m reeuphemia clashthought
- 3: In talking to Eva you always had
- 4: He said One doesn't even peer
- 5: Judlip eyed them longingly as they tacked up the street
- 6: Judlip was the first to recover himself
- 7: But it was just not slippery enough for Judlip
- 8: This view Percy knew to be somewhat heretical
- 9: Perkins had got used to them by now
- 10: Foundlings were sometimes naughty
- 11: Dibbs' scheme in my vision of the Dawn
- 12: Be a percentage of deaths by misadventure
- 13: How could they accompany him to the lethal chamber
- 14: Every fact that he told us about isosceles triangles
- 15: If mankind had hated Christmas
- 16: Either before or after the plum pudding
- 17: CHORUS OF THE PIETIES aerial music
- 18: Clement Shorter and Chorus of Subtershorters
- 19: On that day we will re traject ourselves
- 20: Immediately above the County Gaol
- 21: Also with Cetewayo poor Cetewayo
- 22: The gentlest spirit that ever breathed
- 23: Carried on the Wrackgarth Works
- 24: Raisins and two or three scruts
- 25: Make an impression on the brilliant Miss Wrackgarth
- 26: He reduced that scrut to powder
- 27: The housemaid who ministered to his cage
- 28: Adrian Berridge paused on the threshold
- 29: And to call them simply Adrian and Jacynth
- 30: Presently Jacynth said Adrian
- 31: Trollope's delineations of deans
- 32: Must acquit me of sentimentalism
- 33: Mahamo lay rigid and watchful at the hut's mouth
- 34: Having borne out the merchandise
- 35: Of a kind easily replaced was an illusion
- 36: He was staying at the Hotel Danieli
- 37: And clapped Ibsen loudly on either shoulder
- 38: Said positively that they had not been written by Sappho
- 39: One Christmas Night in Pontgibaud Pom pom
- 40: And performed a play entitled Snt George
- 41: Who promptly made mincemeat of him
- 42: These three Snt George successively challenges
- 43: As the cabriolet swung past them
- 44: Mistress Vandeleur shrank back
- 45: Whereby stepped Master Joffers to the scaffold
- 46: Winchoven would have fumbled it with rose madder
- 47: Was so transcendent that such skits must ever be harmless
- 48: Cryptic Sparkler had said of Sir Rebus
- 49: Sir Rebus sprang a pair of eyebrows on her
- 50: Casting eye of caution at recumbence
