Fables _in_ Slang

Fables _in_ Slang

FABLES

IN

SLANG

by GEORGE ADE

ILLUSTRATED by CLYDE J.

NEWMAN

PUBLISHED BY

HERBERT S. STONE AND COMPANY CHICAGO & NEW YORK

MDCCCCI

COPYRIGHT, 1899, BY HERBERT S. STONE & CO.

_The Author and the Publishers wish to acknowledge the courtesy of_ VICTOR F. LAWSON, ESQ., _in permitting the reissue of these Fables in book form, after their appearance in the columns of_ THE CHICAGO RECORD.

SIXTY-EIGHTH THOUSAND

Table _of_ Contents

PAGE

_The_ Fable _of the_ Visitor _Who_ Got _a_ Lot _for_ Three Dollars 1

_The_ Fable _of the_ Slim Girl _Who_ Tried to Keep a Date that was Never Made 9

_The_ Fable _of the_ New York Person _Who_ Gave _the_ Stage Fright _to_ Fostoria, Ohio 15

_The_ Fable _of the_ Kid _Who_ Shifted _His_ Ideal 23

_The_ Fable _of the_ Base Ball Fan _Who_ Took _the_ Only Known Cure 27

_The_ Fable _of the_ Good Fairy _with the_ Lorgnette, _and why_ She Got _It_ Good 33

_The_ Fable _of the_ Unintentional Heroes _of_ Centreville 47

_The_ Fable _of the_ Parents _Who_ Tinkered _with the_ Offspring 53

_The_ Fable _of_ How _He_ Never Touched George 59

_The_ Fable _of the_ Preacher _Who_ Flew _His_ Kite, _but_ not Because _He_ Wished _to_ Do _So_ 63

_The_ Fable _of_ Handsome Jethro, _Who was_ Simply Cut Out _to_ be _a_ Merchant 75

_The_ Fable _of_ Paducah's Favorite Comedians _and the_ Mildewed Stunt 83

_The_ Fable _of_ Flora _and_ Adolph _and a_ Home Gone Wrong 93

_The_ Fable _of the_ Copper _and the_ Jovial Undergrads 105

Table of contents (by pages)

• 1: Fables in Slang by George Ade
• 2: Asked the Learned Phrenologist
• 3: But you ought to be President of a Theological Seminary
• 4: The name of the Town was Fostoria
• 5: Jeffries and began to weep bitterly
• 6: In the Photograph the Broad Girl resembled Pauline Hall
• 7: She was going to be Benevolent
• 8: Who worked in the Centreville Steam Laundry
• 9: And sang Ten ting to night
• 10: This is where the Fable begins to Differentiate
• 11: And not a Parishioner batted an Eye
• 12: Quarolius and the great Icelandic Poet
• 13: Gave them Zoroaster and Zendavesta
• 14: When a Legit loses his Voice he goes into Vodeville
• 15: Zendavesta kicked Zoroaster in the Stomach
• 16: Illustration CHEMICAL FLORA I suppose that Botts
• 17: When I say that the Alimony is $25 per
• 18: Preparing to make a Grand Ascension
• 19: In Due Time he Married a Widow of the Bantam Division
• 20: And every time she thought of Gabby Will
• 21: Luella found Employment at a Hat Factory
• 22: Illustration MAE They were Married
• 23: His Father worked in a Lumber Yard
• 24: She was looked upon as a Martyr
• 25: Wandering in the Fields with Lesbia
• 26: In a few Moments the Imported Scrapper came into the Ring
• 27: It cost Ten Cents to cast one Vote
• 28: And brought their Mandolins along
• 29: Fred and Eustace had been at School with Gus
• 30: But they played the Intermezzo and felt Peevish
• 31: With forty full page illustrations by John T