A GUEST AT THE LUDLOW
AND OTHER STORIES
BY
EDGAR WILSON NYE
[BILL NYE]
_WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY LOUIS BRAUNHOLD_
[Illustration]
INDIANAPOLIS AND KANSAS CITY
THE BOWEN-MERRILL COMPANY
M DCCC XCVII
Copyright, 1896
BY
THE BOWEN-MERRILL CO.
A GUEST AT THE LUDLOW
[Illustration: _You can pay five cents to the Elevated Railroad and get here, or you can put some other man's nickel in your own slot and come here with an attendant_ (Page 2)]
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This volume was prepared for publication by the author a few months before his death, and is now published by arrangement with Mrs. Edgar Wilson Nye.
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CONTENTS
PAGE.
I. A GUEST AT THE LUDLOW 1
II. OLD POLKA DOT'S DAUGHTER 13
III. A GREAT CEREBRATOR 22
IV. HINTS FOR THE HOUSEHOLD 33
V. A JOURNEY WESTWARD 42
VI. A PROPHET AND A PIUTE 52
VII. THE SABBATH OF A GREAT AUTHOR 64
VIII. A FLYER IN DIRT 69
IX. A SINGULAR "HAMLET" 81
X. MY MATRIMONIAL BUREAU 92
XI. THE HATEFUL HEN 99
XII. AS A CANDIDATE 108
XIII. SUMMER BOARDERS AND OTHERS 123
XIV. THREE OPEN LETTERS 134
XV. THE DUBIOUS FUTURE 144
Table of contents (by pages)
- 1: A Guest at the Ludlow and Other Stories
- 2: On behalf of this vast assemblage tremulo
- 3: We all retire at the same time
- 4: William Marcy Tweed was the contractor of Ludlow Street Jail
- 5: If you decide to come in as a boarder
- 6: But I dislike chamberwork most heartily
- 7: In the sensuous shadow of magnanimous elms
- 8: The Elms was not even picturesque
- 9: Then the old chief Polka Dot arose in his wrath
- 10: Monticello is about an hour's ride from Charlottesville
- 11: Seigel was a German Confederate
- 12: But when you spoke for the Ephesian Y
- 13: The darned tidy holds its place better
- 14: So I read a recipe in a household hint
- 15: I got a paper hanger to come and look at it
- 16: Atchison is at present so dead that a good cowboy
- 17: Even the Benders had to draw the line somewhere
- 18: Many Oakland people were frightened
- 19: That was when I was buying my ticket
- 20: The Piute is never bald during life
- 21: They read about as follows Sam Davis
- 22: And so I get up and glide about in my pajamas
- 23: Tapering off with some kind of rich pie
- 24: From town lots to groceries is
- 25: An opera house this fall would be premature
- 26: Nor should I hesitate to swap the whole thing
- 27: I think I liked his Hamlet best
- 28: O'Connor requesting an audience
- 29: And see if we have not overestimated ourselves
- 30: Everything in the matrimonial line
- 31: What I want is a woman that can economize
- 32: Drooping and beautiful mustache
- 33: By noon the bright scarlet rooster owned the town
- 34: Whose trans Missouri name seems to be Nye
- 35: He said that I ought to be indorsed by my fellow citizens
- 36: On behalf of this vast assemblage tremulo
- 37: And a dishpan full of doughnuts
- 38: Neighbors and band husky and pianissimo
- 39: They don't reck a pesky reck what it costs
- 40: Her name was Etiquette McCracken
- 41: He knew Deacon Decker pretty well
- 42: Aid a struggler and panter for fame
- 43: I want to see you own the canal
- 44: Beware of baldness on the soul
- 45: Louis to fatten cove oysters while in the can
- 46: Produces at last optical illusions
- 47: This will enable a brainy man to sit at home
- 48: Esau rose up from behind an old sheep dip tank
- 49: To see that Esau didn't get away
- 50: I applied to the hosspital for said leg
- 51: Sevres is a small village just outside of St
- 52: An arrondissement is not anything reprehensible
- 53: Who kept a very neat livery stable there
- 54: Pompadour beheaded at the age of forty two years
- 55: Lobster salad with machine oil on it
- 56: Who hired a man to embalm Ptolemy
- 57: He is the porter of the hotel or inn
- 58: I knew a conductor on the Union Pacific railroad
- 59: Sometimes it also contains a costly robe de nuit
- 60: Handle gently the poor little trunk
- 61: Galileo played for several years in a band at Pisa
- 62: Galileo frequently came down to breakfast with red
- 63: Worth only sixty cents on the scudi
- 64: And was beloved by all as a tutor
- 65: Harrison's birthplace from the main road
- 66: If they let them crazy teamsters run things
- 67: I bought tickets at Cincinnati of a pale
- 68: General Grant's unswerving loyalty to Dado
- 69: Unless it be an intelligent jury
- 70: I have the whole $500 in currency
- 71: I can imagine Old Man Gastric waiting there patiently
- 72: Inserted a neat little tin funnel
- 73: And asked if I would mind swapping with them
- 74: And once they shet in a part of a man
- 75: Says the black whiskered pachyderm
- 76: That such agents wear wings and with the harsh
- 77: The message is filed away automatically
- 78: Then push on the Citizens' button
- 79: Now downright didacticism in a poet is an abomination
- 80: Th' worter in the shadder shadder in the worter
- 81: His rimes are almost never imperfect
- 82: Of Boone James Whitcomb Riley