IF, YES, AND PERHAPS.
Four Possibilities and Six Exaggerations, with Some Bits of Fact.
by
EDWARD E. HALE.
Boston: Fields, Osgood, & Co., Successors To Ticknor and Fields. 1869.
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1868, by Ticknor and Fields, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the District of Massachusetts.
University Press: Welch, Bigelow, & Co., Cambridge.
DEDICATION.
I dedicate this book to the youngest of my friends, now two hours old. Fun, fact, and fancy,--may his fresh life mix the three in their just proportions.
MILTON, June 6, 1868.
PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION.
The title to this book has met with general opprobrium, except in a few quarters, where it was fortunately regarded as beneath contempt. Colonel Ingham even exacted an explanation by telegraph from the Editor, when he learned from the Governor-General of Northern Siberia what the title was. This explanation the Editor gave in the following note. It is, however, impossible to change the title, as he proposes. For reasons known to all statesmen, it is out of the question to swap horses in crossing a river; and all publishers know that it is equally impossible to change titles under those circumstances.
BOSTON, October 17, 1868. MY DEAR COLONEL INGHAM:--
I have your note complaining of the sensational title, "somewhat affected," as you think, which I gave to our little story-book. Of course I am sorry you do not like the name; but, while you strike, I beg you to hear.
I readily acceded to your original title, and called the book in manuscript as you bade me,--
"A Few Short Sketches taken from Ancient History, Modern Travel, and the Realm of Imagination, Illustrative of the Poetry of the Bible, the History of Christianity, the Manners of the Times, and the Politics of the Present and Past Generations."
This title would, I admit, meet the views of most of our present critics. But I abandoned it on my own responsibility,--you being then beyond the telegraph, at the mouth of the Oby River,--because it occurred to me, that, under the catalogue rules of Panizzi and the lamented Jewett, we should be indexed and catalogued at "Few." I did not think that a good omen.
Table of contents (by pages)
- 1: If, Yes and Perhaps by Edward Everett Hale
- 2: Straightforward title of unadorned truth
- 3: That it received one of his second premiums
- 4: I have been to see Brother Stowers
- 5: The story is a favorite with me and with Fausta
- 6: And how Fausta first met Felix
- 7: Only John Myers and I carried over
- 8: Lawrence divided it among the townships
- 9: And get my cyclopaedia and magazine
- 10: And so entangled round his long tiller
- 11: This was my introduction to Fausta
- 12: I told Fausta thus much of my story
- 13: I do not know how Fausta liked my metamorphosis
- 14: The genie of course suggested the Directory
- 15: Fausta looked around on that forlorn ladies' saloon
- 16: Pushed open the door of the Astor Library
- 17: And from the recess Fausta emerged and met me
- 18: Then I told Fausta of the respectable boarding house
- 19: At sunrise I rose and made my easy toilet
- 20: Burrham almost regretted to say
- 21: And transferring to him her ticket
- 22: All around me rang this horrid yell of the mob
- 23: When some rowdy the original face man
- 24: I believe the mayor would have liked to kiss me
- 25: The Montgomery Battalion then dissolved
- 26: He is not far from the Carmel post
- 27: Just as they were to leave Accho
- 28: He struck another prelude and began
- 29: And they had brought with them the Hebrew minstrel
- 30: Homer felt that he was not alone in the world
- 31: They bring him to his Grecians
- 32: While the snow flake is reminding Homer of that hard
- 33: Who mortals and immortals rules alone
- 34: In true native Philistine arrogance
- 35: Confess that you forgot the Arundelian Marbles
- 36: Our excursion to Topsham would
- 37: Ready to leave it with me in my buggy sleigh
- 38: I had spent the afternoon in drilling Singleton
- 39: What right had Barry to a wife
- 40: The old fool had been sending flour to Rio
- 41: Singleton and I were on our voyage to South America
- 42: A prohibition on foreign flour
- 43: Must be therefore between Vibeira and Estremadura
- 44: And for centuries will be unequalled by it
- 45: We can picture to ourselves Agrippina
- 46: That Nero may forget his mother
- 47: But Seneca knew what was right
- 48: The blue Hellespont has no voice but separation
- 49: When he has faced Nero and Seneca together
- 50: Wilberforce had never heard that opera
- 51: Who have no property in District Dong dong dong
- 52: And she and the Europa pitched into each other
- 53: Langenzunge loved Old Rough and Ready
- 54: May use the telegraph alphabet
- 55: The gallant Captain Kellett was not there
- 56: Captain Kellett was in the Pacific
- 57: The American whaler McLellan leading
- 58: The McLellan was caught again
- 59: Mecham made the great discovery of the expedition
- 60: If Captain McClure had wintered in the Bay of Mercy
- 61: The sled is fitted with two drag ropes
- 62: Lieutenant Pim started with a sledge and seven men
- 63: Pim shall one never get there
- 64: Domville had the telling of the news together
- 65: But to come on to Beechey Island
- 66: What is freedom without a helmsman
- 67: As Captain Kellett had left them
- 68: Since Captain Buddington had first seen her
- 69: And how he undid meone of the ingham papers
- 70: Wigan on the Duality of the Brain
- 71: Not Thalaba in his wife's room over the kitchen
- 72: Thanks to two days' canvassing by Auchmuty and myself
- 73: If the Bishop came to preach at Naguadavick
- 74: Ochterlony came to the success
- 75: Dennis could see into the card room
- 76: And if poor Pendergrast stays there
- 77: Every other denomination must have a minister there
- 78: In the world's great football match
- 79: Auchmuty had promised to speak late
- 80: Other than that of Captain Frederic Ingham
- 81: Nolan was imprisoned in Texas
- 82: Nolan was enlisted body and soul
- 83: Nolan was proved guilty enough
- 84: Even Nolan lost his swagger in a moment
- 85: They called him Plain Buttons
- 86: And poor Nolan himself went on
- 87: When Captain Shaw was coming home
- 88: Nolan thought he had got his chance
- 89: Nolan knew more about fortifications
- 90: I believe I thought Nolan was a sort of lay chaplain
- 91: And one or two fine looking Kroomen were dragged out
- 92: And after some fashion Nolan said so
- 93: So poor Philip Nolan had his wish fulfilled
- 94: If Nolan should be liberated some day
- 95: He was about to establish his head quarters at Vicksburg
- 96: And Greenough's Washington Ingham
- 97: Before the Florida was got ready for sea
- 98: Which makes the south point of this Bahia or bay
- 99: Of course we went to Upernavik
- 100: This was the first time we went into Loando
- 101: What happened at Loando the second time
- 102: Lafarge did his prettiest in rushing to the telegraph
- 103: But perhaps the duplicate got through
- 104: After McGregor turned me out of the chamber
- 105: And Callender himself knew no more than I
- 106: What could Lafarge have given to the President
- 107: If you know a Fourdrinier machine
- 108: Howland is always good about such things
- 109: Lycidas and I tumbled in on the back seat
- 110: Because two carols at one house was the rule
- 111: But it blew good to poor Dalton
- 112: And by these tokens I knew Tom Coram
- 113: Do not even dream of the Taghalian dialects
- 114: When I caught sight of Adams Todd
- 115: I learned afterwards that poor Lycidas
- 116: He bade me give Lycidas as much as he could swallow
- 117: And Bertha her Sheffield wimble
