Produced by Linda P. Kemper-Holzman
KILO
Being the Love Story of Eliph' Hewlitt Book Agent
By Ellis Parker Butler
CONTENTS
I. Eliph' Hewlitt II. Susan III. "How to Win the Affections" IV. Kilo V. Sammy Mills VI. The Castaway VII. The Colonel VIII. The Medium-sized Box IX. The Witness X. The Boss Grafter XI. The False Gods of Doc Weaver XII. Getting Acquainted XIII. "Second: a Small Present" XIV. Something Turns Up XV. Difficulties XVI. Two Lovers, and a Third XVII. According to Jarby's XVIII. Another Trial XIX. Pap Briggs' Hen Food
KILO
CHAPTER I. Eliph' Hewlitt
Eliph' Hewlitt, book agent, seated in his weather-beaten top buggy, drove his horse, Irontail, carefully along the rough Iowa hill road that leads from Jefferson to Clarence. The Horse, a rusty gray, tottered in a loose-jointed manner from side to side of the road, half asleep in the sun, and was indolent in every muscle of his body, except his tail, which thrashed violently at the flies. Eliph' Hewlitt drove with his hands held high, almost on a level with his sandy whiskers, for he was well acquainted with Irontail.
The road seemed to pass through a region of large farms, offering few opportunities for selling books, the houses being so far apart, but Eliph' knew the small settlement of Clarence was a few miles farther on, and he was carrying enlightenment to the benighted. He glowed with missionary zeal. In his eagerness he thoughtlessly slapped the reins on the back of Irontail.
Instantly the plump, gray tail of the horse flashed over the rein and clamped it fast. Eliph' Hewlitt leaned over the dashboard of his buggy and grasped the hair of the tail firmly. He pulled it upward with all his strength, but the tail did not yield. Instead, Irontail kicked vigorously. Eliph' Hewlitt, knowing his horse as well as he knew human nature, climbed out of the buggy, and taking the rein close by the bit led Irontail to the side of the road. Then he took from beneath the buggy seat a bulky, oil-cloth-wrapped parcel and seated himself near the horse's head. There was no safety for a timid driver when Irontail had thus assumed command of the rein. There was no way to get a rein from beneath that tail but to ignore it. In an hour or so Irontail would grow forgetful, carelessly begin flapping flies, and release the rein himself.
Eliph' Hewlitt unwrapped the oilcloth from the object in enfolded. It was a book. It was Jarby's 'Encyclopedia of Knowledge and Compendium of Literature, Science, Art, Comprising Useful Information on One Thousand and One Subjects, Including A History of the World, the Lives of all Famous Men, Quotations From the World's Great Authors, One Thousand and One Recipes, Et Cetera'. One Volume, five dollars bound in cloth; seven fifty in morocco. Eliph' Hewlitt passed his hand affectionately over the gilt-stamped cover, and then opened it at random and read.
Table of contents (by pages)
- 1: Kilo : being the love story of Eliph' Hewlitt, boo
- 2: And taking Irontail by the bridle
- 3: Eliph' Hewlitt shook his head again
- 4: Tarbro Smith had arranged the picnic herself
- 5: A convenience for the men of Clarence
- 6: The great Marriott Nolan Tarbro
- 7: Offering his hand to Eliph' Hewlitt
- 8: And Eliph' Hewlitt seated himself Turk fashion
- 9: Having introduced Eliph' Hewlitt
- 10: Said Eliph' Hewlitt cheerfully
- 11: For a minute she stood looking down at him doubtfully
- 12: Said Eliph' Hewlitt promptly and cheerfully
- 13: Asked Eliph' Hewlitt innocently
- 14: So you pa wants you to come right home to Kilo
- 15: Irontail had released the rein
- 16: And Eliph' Hewlitt was pleased
- 17: Potts tryin' to show off before strangers
- 18: Had learned the value of the liveryman
- 19: Eliph' Hewlitt is that name I'm known by
- 20: Kilo's light on literatoor generally
- 21: And he had literatoor in the family
- 22: An' to intellectooally subside them clamors
- 23: Walked and talked with Abednego
- 24: Sizzling sandheap it was the leader of the world
- 25: 'because when I whoop up that stove to git supper
- 26: 'Genius is cert'nly a wonderful phenomenus
- 27: He's in the front room interviewing ma
- 28: An' Sammy all the time repeatin' 'Eliph' Hewlitt
- 29: But mebby you ain't a drummer after all
- 30: But I ain't going to talk books in Kilo
- 31: I took passage on a ship for Ceylon
- 32: I at once swum off to the south
- 33: Et cetery told me how to prepare and cook them
- 34: When Eliph' Hewlitt left the house
- 35: As advised by Jarby's Encyclopedia
- 36: An' Pap Briggs has quite considerable money
- 37: When Attorney Toole descended on Kilo
- 38: He's a fool to spend money on an opery house in this town
- 39: Miss Sally but it is a large box
- 40: There is a later case than MUGGINS vs
- 41: Ringing the doorbell insinuatingly
- 42: Recognized the Colonel and the attorney
- 43: Again Eliph' Hewlitt was about to speak
- 44: As she looked at Eliph' Hewlitt
- 45: She was pleased when she heard that Eliph' Hewlitt
- 46: He shook the suet before the Colonel's eyes
- 47: And had praised Skinner to his face
- 48: Mayor Johann Stitz was an honest
- 49: For how much you will make me one graft
- 50: To Mayor Stitz the idea of unlawful gain did not come
- 51: And the next day Stitz signed it
- 52: When Eliph' Hewlitt entered the printing office T
- 53: With Eliph' Hewlitt mentioned as agent
- 54: Eliph' Hewlitt Now a Citizen of Kilo
- 55: Eliph' Hewlitt pushed back his chair
- 56: Christian Science and allopathy don't mix
- 57: He was the only Greenbacker in Kilo
- 58: Doc reckoned to change my mind
- 59: 'If you ain't a heathen Chinee or some sich
- 60: Moller did a lot of tricks sich as I hear they always do
- 61: I reckon Moller didn't know nothin' about Richard Burbage
- 62: ' says Moller 'William Shakespeare
- 63: With the plot beginning in Kilo and Clarence
- 64: Hewlitt that I don't want to buy no books
- 65: Propound one or more of the 'Six Hundred Perplexing Puzzles
- 66: 'I'm eatin' a pound o' salts Doc Weaver told me to git
- 67: The scented soap protected it from the camphor
- 68: Hewlitt is a clever spoken man
- 69: The publishers of the Encyclopedia
- 70: My preference was to give a work of literature
- 71: Stared the sub head OFFICIAL OF KILO CORRUPTED
- 72: Eliph' Hewlitt had that secret
- 73: You want to be boss of this party in Kilo county
- 74: Across the street the attorney
- 75: Such as likes klops on the head
- 76: Five grafts for one such little ordinances
- 77: For he had never heard of lung testers
- 78: Should Miss Sally take back the lung testers
- 79: And wants to sell them to Skinner
- 80: Certain that Eliph' had told Doc Weaver of the lung testers
- 81: In connection with the Colonel and Skinner
- 82: I got to pay Skinner right now
- 83: They was nothin' but lung testers
- 84: According to Jarby's When Eliph' Hewlitt
- 85: When she saw Eliph' Hewlitt at the door
- 86: I wanted to ask if you knew William Rossiter
- 87: He was in the lung tester manufacturing business
- 88: With twenty four lung testers in it
- 89: Bill Rossiter on the third floor
- 90: But I'll go for Stitz and Guthrie
- 91: Where Stitz was on his platform smoking and evening pipe
- 92: And found Susan alone on the porch
- 93: Grasping it in two hands to tear it asunder
- 94: And stared at Miss Sally for one moment foolishly
- 95: And eat boughten eggs you shan't do
- 96: Pap told Billings complainingly
- 97: Pap moved uneasily in his seat
- 98: Pap laid down his knife and fork
