ODD NUMBERS
Being Further Chronicles of Shorty McCabe
by
SEWELL FORD
Author of Trying Out Torchy, Etc.
Illustrations by F. Vaux Wilson
[Illustration: "'SISTERS? DO WE LOOK IT?' SAYS MAISIE"]
New York Grosset & Dunlap Publishers
Copyright, 1908, 1909, 1910, 1911, by Sewell Ford Copyright, 1912, by Edward J. Clode
CONTENTS
CHAPTER PAGE I. Goliah and the Purple Lid 1 II. How Maizie Came Through 17 III. Where Spotty Fitted In 35 IV. A Grandmother Who Got Going 50 V. A Long Shot on DeLancey 67 VI. Playing Harold Both Ways 84 VII. Cornelia Shows Some Class 100 VIII. Doping Out an Odd One 116 IX. Handing Bobby a Blank 134 X. Marmaduke Slips One Over 151 XI. A Look In on the Goat Game 167 XII. Mrs. Truckles' Broad Jump 183 XIII. Heiney Takes the Gloom Cure 199 XIV. A Try-Out for Toodleism 214 XV. The Case of the Tiscotts 230 XVI. Classing Tutwater Right 246 XVII. How Hermy Put It Over 262 XVIII. Joy Riding with Aunty 279 XIX. Turning a Trick for Beany 294
ODD NUMBERS
CHAPTER I
GOLIAH AND THE PURPLE LID
One of my highbrow reg'lars at the Physical Culture Studio, a gent that mixes up in charity works, like organizin' debatin' societies in the deaf and dumb asylums, was tellin' me awhile back of a great scheme of his to help out the stranger in our fair village. He wants to open public information bureaus, where a jay might go and find out anything he wanted to know, from how to locate a New Thought church, to the nearest place where he could buy a fresh celluloid collar.
"Get the idea?" says he. "A public bureau where strangers in New York would be given courteous attention, friendly advice, and that sort of thing."
"What's the use?" says I. "Ain't I here?"
Course, I was just gettin' over a josh. But say, it ain't all a funny dream, either. Don't a lot of 'em come my way? Maybe it's because I'm so apt to lay myself open to the confidential tackle. But somehow, when I see one of these tourist freaks sizin' me up, and lookin' kind of dazed and lonesome, I can't chuck him back the frosty stare. I've been a stray in a strange town myself. So I gen'rally tries to seem halfway human, and if he opens up with some shot on the weather, I let him get in the follow-up questions and take the chances.
Here the other day, though, I wa'n't lookin' for anything of the kind. I was just joltin' down my luncheon with a little promenade up the sunny side of Avenue V, taking in the exhibits--things in the show windows and folks on the sidewalks--as keen as if I'd paid in my dollar at some ticket office.
Table of contents (by pages)
- 1: Odd Numbers by Sewell Ford
- 2: It has the dimensions and general outlines of a summerhouse
- 3: The boys out there call me Gol Daggett
- 4: Asked me if I didn't want my fingers manicured
- 5: That's the way Marthy should have been dressed
- 6: Daggett tries to soothe her down
- 7: And Tidson was just servin' the demitasses
- 8: Maybe I'd better go down and Tidson
- 9: Maizie May Blickens is my name
- 10: When they called him Sport Blickens
- 11: Swipes a package of wintergreen gum
- 12: That'll do all right for Phemey
- 13: In honor of Miss Maizie Blickens
- 14: I've thought of something new for Spotty Cahill
- 15: Pinckney hadn't been there reg'lar
- 16: He'd started out to godfather Spotty
- 17: That don't excite Spotty a bit
- 18: But there's no Spotty in evidence
- 19: So you and Spotty are goin' to leave us
- 20: But what does a Sareef have to do
- 21: It makes Vincent's mother a grammy in both families
- 22: She don't see much of the Tonawanda folks now
- 23: I will call her up at the Kipp country place
- 24: All you got to do is take a peek at the party
- 25: Vincent gives a jump at the first look
- 26: Gasps Vincent under his breath
- 27: You want me to sub for you at Lenox
- 28: And it turns out he's DeLancey Cathaway
- 29: Maybe you've heard about the Bob Cathaways
- 30: As I looks at DeLancey there in the limousine I has to grin
- 31: If Bob Cathaway didn't shudder at that
- 32: Cathaway was goin' to run up and make him a visit
- 33: Bobbie and Charlie was missin'
- 34: You know how much I like to have young people around
- 35: Sadie says we got to because we're doin' the chaperon act
- 36: My name is Harold Burbank Fitzmorris
- 37: Something after the manner of Turgenieff
- 38: Harold thanks me some more and says he will
- 39: Says Sadie to me the other mornin'
- 40: Then it was a case of Durgin waitin' for Cornelia
- 41: Now I ain't got any grouch against Durgin
- 42: Maybe Cornelia will have some plans of her own
- 43: But Cornie don't do any dodgin'
- 44: For right behind him is Durgin
- 45: And they plants Durgin next to Cornie
- 46: And he was known in sportin' circles as Chunk Tracey
- 47: The way the committee had mapped it out
- 48: That's an accordion he's playing
- 49: He drags out of him that he's Cap'n Todd Spiller
- 50: He only tackles Spiller along another line
- 51: To twelve hundred dollar houses
- 52: I doant like livin' in a blamed hotel either
- 53: I see what Danny was up to then
- 54: President of the Consolidated That's Bobby Brut
- 55: An' advisin' 'em to keep their kids in school
- 56: I couldn't go all over that record of Bobby Brut's
- 57: He has the lackey there to see that he don't cheat himself
- 58: Tearin' his eyes off the Dummy
- 59: And Pinckney was only half into his afternoon tea uniform
- 60: To him that hath ears mufflers
- 61: What did you think of Marmaduke
- 62: Gridley that he's brought along
- 63: Marmaduke has bobbed up smilin'
- 64: Was to think what had become of Marmaduke
- 65: As Pinckney opens the door with his latchkey
- 66: Now it takes a lot to get Pinckney going
- 67: Does Sadie know anything about the Marstons
- 68: And what do they call you for short Eggie
- 69: Egbert thinks he could stand that
- 70: How she was through with Marston for good
- 71: Pinckney only smiles in that calm
- 72: She'd backed Madame Roulaire into a corner
- 73: If it hadn't been for Pinckney
- 74: Keeping us away from old Clicky
- 75: McGowan wouldn't stand for that
- 76: But how about this Sir Podmore
- 77: Maybe I oughtn't to call 'em that
- 78: Jarvis had planned to plant a swan lake in the front yard
- 79: I called him Heiney Kirschwasser for short
- 80: Always I can see zem tweest up
- 81: With that Heiney gets mighty interested
- 82: Jarvis engages Heiney on the spot
- 83: CHAPTER XIVA TRY OUT FOR TOODLEISM Eh
- 84: And nineteen button length gloves
- 85: But just then comes the dinner call
- 86: And does Sadie miss the tableau in our corner
- 87: You ought to hear it from Violet
- 88: I lays still and waits for Toodle to pry himself loose
- 89: When Swifty hadn't made any mistake
- 90: We take them up to Piny Crest and cure them
- 91: With the fat coachman pilotin' us down Fifth ave
- 92: This is where the Tiscotts hang out
- 93: Tiscott glances up and stops her machine
- 94: You'd think I had a special grudge against Tony Tiscott too
- 95: Right in front of the studio door
- 96: Tutwater is a walkin' example of the poor debtor's oath
- 97: But talk like that don't discourage Tutwater at all
- 98: I had it written down somewhere
- 99: Start the Tutwater Sanatorium for Deranged Millionaires
- 100: It will be finished at Cragswoods
- 101: And in blows a couple of gents
- 102: But Hermy ain't in a sociable mood
- 103: Snick had first discovered Hermy about a year ago
- 104: Snick didn't get the full details of the row
- 105: I tells Snick I'll see what can be done
- 106: I'd passed the sad news on to Snick
- 107: I just slaps Snick on the back and wishes him joy
- 108: Guess you don't know about my Aunt Elvira
- 109: Not bein' responsible for Dyke
- 110: The Mallorys never got a chance to hedge
- 111: I will ride up with Dyckman and his friend
- 112: When we hears a chuckle from Aunt Elvira
- 113: She got over that Bishop idea months ago
- 114: Where we could look out across Narragansett Bay for miles
- 115: Hesitatin' and pushin' back the hat brim
- 116: 'd by the boss he had to revise 'em
- 117: It takes a mighty talented listener to get Swifty started
- 118: So all I does is swap grips with Beany
- 119: This is a sequel to Graustark
- 120: Popular Copyrighted Fiction Grosset Dunlap
- 121: As told by his sister and Zane Grey
- 122: Popular Copyrighted Fiction Grosset Dunlap
- 123: The romance of the son of The Riverman
