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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, July 9, 1892

Thus Planchette would put an end to nearly all speculation


It

was reported in the House--the Opera House--that Sir DRURIOLANUS was standing; but for what Constituency, was not mentioned. The rumour was justified by his appearing at the Stall entrance, where he stood for some time, but as he finely observed, "I am not in search of a seat--in Parliament. No! Let who will make the people's laws, give me the bringing out for them of their Operas and Pantomimes." So saying, he bowed gracefully to nobody in particular (who happened to be talking to him), and, with a refreshing wave of the hand, Sir DRURIOLANUS was wafted away into the offing, and "lost to sight," while still "to memory dear."

_Trumpet Note in advance._--_The Trompeter of Sakkingen_ is announced as "in active preparation." Needless to say more, as, of course, he blows his own trumpet for himself. The question is, will it be a big trump in the hand of Sir DRURIOLANUS?

_Saturday._--_Elaine_ changed her mind, and wouldn't come out to-night.

* * * * *

[Illustration]

NEW RENDERING OF "CONSULE PLANCO"--"CONSULT PLANCHETTE."--If "Planchette" can give such accurate information as it appears to have done at Mr. CHARLES WYNDHAM's supper-party, and elsewhere, as recounted in the _Daily Telegraph_, why is it not at once put into general requisition? Why is there any Parliamentary debating?

Why not use "Planchette?" Why run any chance of losing on a race, but simply "ask Planchette?" Only, by the way, if this were universal, and if everyone is to win, who is to lose? Thus Planchette would put an end to nearly all speculation. Planchette would inaugurate a new era of complete and unqualified success. No doubt Mr. CHARLES WYNDHAM consulted Planchette before producing _The Fringe of Society_, and is in consequence being amply rewarded for placing his trust in Planchette. Failure would be impossible except to the obstinate few who should persistently refuse to pin their faith on the utterances of "Planchette." But, suppose after doing enough to establish her reputation, "Planchette," being feminine and therefore "_varium et mutabile semper_," should suddenly deceive her followers, as did _Zamiel's_ seventh charmed bullet (which ought always to have been kept up _Caspar's_ sleeve--but _Caspar_ was an idiot), and the Weird but Larky Sisters who captivated _Macbeth_?

"Trust her not, she's fooling thee, Beware! Beware!" and Planchette, the little plank, will make more of her followers "plank down" than pick up gold and silver.

* * * * *

"DEAREST CHUCK!"--_SHAKSPEARE._

"_Mr. G._" (_to the Ardent Female Supporter, henceforth to be historically known as "The Gingerbread-nut-Chucker"_):--

'Twas all very well to dissemble your love, But why chuck the nut in my eye?

[_Mr. G. is aware that the Divine WILLIAMS has spoken of ginger as "hot in the mouth," but Mr. G. says "he got it uncommonly hot in the eye."_]

* * * * *

"THE RETURN OF THE PRODIGAL."--Lord RANDOLPH in again for South Paddington. The First to arrive.

* * * * *

NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no ease be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.

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