Produced by Dianne Bean and David Widger
AN UNSOCIAL SOCIALIST
by George Bernard Shaw
CHAPTER I
In the dusk of an October evening, a sensible looking woman of forty came out through an oaken door to a broad landing on the first floor of an old English country-house. A braid of her hair had fallen forward as if she had been stooping over book or pen; and she stood for a moment to smooth it, and to gaze contemplatively--not in the least sentimentally--through the tall, narrow window. The sun was setting, but its glories were at the other side of the house; for this window looked eastward, where the landscape of sheepwalks and pasture land was sobering at the approach of darkness.
The lady, like one to whom silence and quiet were luxuries, lingered on the landing for some time. Then she turned towards another door, on which was inscribed, in white letters, Class Room No. 6. Arrested by a whispering above, she paused in the doorway, and looked up the stairs along a broad smooth handrail that swept round in an unbroken curve at each landing, forming an inclined plane from the top to the bottom of the house.
A young voice, apparently mimicking someone, now came from above, saying,
"We will take the Etudes de la Velocite next, if you please, ladies."
Immediately a girl in a holland dress shot down through space; whirled round the curve with a fearless centrifugal toss of her ankle; and vanished into the darkness beneath. She was followed by a stately girl in green, intently holding her breath as she flew; and also by a large young woman in black, with her lower lip grasped between her teeth, and her fine brown eyes protruding with excitement. Her passage created a miniature tempest which disarranged anew the hair of the lady on the landing, who waited in breathless alarm until two light shocks and a thump announced that the aerial voyagers had landed safely in the hall.
"Oh law!" exclaimed the voice that had spoken before. "Here's Susan."
"It's a mercy your neck ain't broken," replied some palpitating female. "I'll tell of you this time, Miss Wylie; indeed I will. And you, too, Miss Carpenter: I wonder at you not to have more sense at your age and with your size! Miss Wilson can't help hearing when you come down with a thump like that. You shake the whole house."
"Oh bother!" said Miss Wylie. "The Lady Abbess takes good care to shut out all the noise we make. Let us--"
"Girls," said the lady above, calling down quietly, but with ominous distinctness.
Silence and utter confusion ensued. Then came a reply, in a tone of honeyed sweetness, from Miss Wylie:
"Did you call us, DEAR Miss Wilson?"
"Yes. Come up here, if you please, all three."
There was some hesitation among them, each offering the other precedence. At last they went up slowly, in the order, though not at all in the manner, of their flying descent; followed Miss Wilson into the class-room; and stood in a row before her, illumined through three western windows with a glow of ruddy orange light. Miss Carpenter, the largest of the three, was red and confused. Her arms hung by her sides, her fingers twisting the folds of her dress. Miss Gertrude Lindsay, in pale sea-green, had a small head, delicate complexion, and pearly teeth. She stood erect, with an expression of cold distaste for reproof of any sort. The holland dress of the third offender had changed from yellow to white as she passed from the gray eastern twilight on the staircase into the warm western glow in the room. Her face had a bright olive tone, and seemed to have a golden mica in its composition. Her eyes and hair were hazel-nut color; and her teeth, the upper row of which she displayed freely, were like fine Portland stone, and sloped outward enough to have spoilt her mouth, had they not been supported by a rich under lip, and a finely curved, impudent chin. Her half cajoling, half mocking air, and her ready smile, were difficult to confront with severity; and Miss Wilson knew it; for she would not look at her even when attracted by a convulsive start and an angry side glance from Miss Lindsay, who had just been indented between the ribs by a finger tip.
Table of contents (by pages)
- 1: An Unsocial Socialist by Bernard Shaw
- 2: Miss Wylie had pulled at her schoolfellow's skirt
- 3: I don't like Helen Plantagenet
- 4: Looking suspiciously at Agatha
- 5: The idea of your finding fault with Gertrude
- 6: Henrietta writhed with impatience
- 7: Jansenius was a man of imposing presence
- 8: Jansenius read as follows Alton College
- 9: Jansenius frowned at her daughter to remain silent
- 10: Agatha sat down with a single movement
- 11: Calling to the flaxen haired child
- 12: Nine ten eleven pursued Agatha
- 13: Agatha I think you are in the wrong
- 14: And Gertrude and I were willing
- 15: The road to Lyvern lay through acres of pasture land
- 16: Pharaoh won't blush until he passes Gertrude
- 17: If it rains much I will go into the old chalet
- 18: Furtively scrutinizing the tenant of the chalet
- 19: There is only one cab in Lyvern
- 20: Said Smilash with a virtuous air
- 21: Smilash said as they went down the slope
- 22: And she can tell you that there was only threepence in it
- 23: The reverend rector has known me from a boy
- 24: Might I take a turn with the roller
- 25: You are beginning to invent in the Smilash manner
- 26: Rolled and prepared by Smilash
- 27: Jansenius was indeed awaiting her with misgiving
- 28: So she invited Agatha to sit down
- 29: I am sorry that Miss Wylie has chosen to break with us
- 30: Which Agatha dexterously evaded
- 31: Jansenius looked sternly and disappointedly at Agatha
- 32: Making off through the shrubbery
- 33: Smilash and Henrietta were gone
- 34: Jansenius remarked that it was very singular
- 35: And he called me and gev me tuppence
- 36: Began Smilash to the inspector
- 37: Contrary to the British constitooshun
- 38: Miss Wilson looked from Smilash who had watched Mr
- 39: Smilash looked vacantly at him for a moment
- 40: Sidney Never mind to morrow
- 41: Do you know what a pessimist is
- 42: Starved or subsisted on charity
- 43: He never boasted of abstinence
- 44: I think he was wickeder than my father
- 45: Whether he be painter or ploughman
- 46: To share the produce of the work justly
- 47: We will go aboard and float down to Lyvern
- 48: Reasoned out mathematical problems upon postulates
- 49: Smilash had now adopted a profession
- 50: Hereupon the radicals of Lyvern
- 51: Flinging Miss Wilson and Agatha back
- 52: After glancing anxiously at Smilash
- 53: Which he did with the assistance of Smilash
- 54: Remind Smilash of Bess and the children
- 55: Agatha wanted to be understood and not to be chaffed
- 56: And her boots were the last upon which Smilash operated
- 57: Smilash knelt before the camp stool
- 58: Setting to work on the remaining skate
- 59: He instantly relapsed into an aggravated phase of Smilash
- 60: We intend to cultivate the acquaintance of Smilash
- 61: May I ask whose fault was the separation
- 62: Why on earth do you call yourself Smilash
- 63: Agatha colored and raised her head
- 64: As I must spend Xmas with Mamma at Chiswick
- 65: Henrietta looked round for something sharp
- 66: With frozen tears on her cheeks
- 67: Or else love yourself very much
- 68: Since it is far to Lyvern and farther to London
- 69: Smilash flitted away like a swallow
- 70: Did you slide all the way from Lyvern
- 71: And hurried along the road to Lyvern
- 72: Being uneasy in conversation with Trefusis
- 73: Jansenius has asked me to ask to request you to excuse Mr
- 74: Seeing Trefusis about to leave
- 75: Trefusis does not mean to say that you did
- 76: Flattering herself and flattering me
- 77: Continued Jansenius in the same tone
- 78: Trefusis now encountered a difficulty
- 79: Trefusis paid the money at once
- 80: But that she might become more worthy of Smilash
- 81: Jansenius to remonstrate with her unruly girl
- 82: Was the seat of Sir Charles Brandon
- 83: Having placed the bicycle against a tree
- 84: There's goin' to be a proceyshon through the noo groups
- 85: Said Lady Brandon to her husband
- 86: It halted as the leader came up to Trefusis
- 87: Taking her horse by the bridle and backing him from Trefusis
- 88: Erskine had discreetly slipped away
- 89: She fancied herself very different from the Agatha of Alton
- 90: But the gasworks were never forgotten
- 91: Since then Erskine had been bent on writing another drama
- 92: Seized already with an instinctive antipathy to Trefusis
- 93: Whereas in the etching and daubing processes
- 94: Whilst Trefusis was systematically abstemious
- 95: This Transcanadian Railway Company
- 96: And found herself virtually alone with Trefusis
- 97: His forgetfulness wounded Agatha
- 98: But Agatha had drawn the new inference from the old facts
- 99: I wish he had your bills to pay
- 100: Whereby she had seen hemlock growing
- 101: And busied herself with the hemlock leaves
- 102: Hemlock is interesting on account of Socrates
- 103: I am not accustomed to be lectured
- 104: Trefusis being quite undisturbed
- 105: That is the effect of the hemlock
- 106: What objection have you to my singing duets with Miss Wylie
- 107: Agatha turned round upon the piano stool
- 108: I'd like to see anybody thrash me
- 109: Agatha turned on the threshold
- 110: Gertrude had never been in Persia
- 111: Trefusis was still prostrate in the meadow
- 112: Feels that Miss Lindsay is her bitterest foe
- 113: Erskine grew angry and cynical
- 114: Sir Charles pooh poohed this view
- 115: Towards which Trefusis led his visitors
- 116: Hence Here Trefusis opened a drawer
- 117: The portrait has been much admired
- 118: Others came from smoke and filth
- 119: Does Lady Brandon wear much lace
- 120: You ought to label it 'A Portfolio of Paradoxes
- 121: That profits rolled in Atlantic waves upon our capitalists
- 122: The superfluous proletariat destroyed
- 123: When Trefusis disconcerted him by ringing a bell
- 124: Replied Trefusis for him promptly
- 125: Sir Charles brightened on being reminded of Donovan Brown
- 126: All the arbitrators agreed that this was monstrous
- 127: His mistrust of Trefusis growing
- 128: And would rather not meddle with my petitions
- 129: I have set my heart on marrying her to Erskine
- 130: You mean that you dislike my presumption
- 131: Trefusis grinned and shook his head
- 132: You are the only one not quite a fool
- 133: And Jansenius knows me of old in the matter of settlements
- 134: Said Lady Brandon incredulously
- 135: Trefusis seemed N little disturbed
- 136: Pray allow Miss Wylie to speak for herself
- 137: Partly suspecting Trefusis of some mystification
- 138: And the frown roused him to brave her
- 139: She looked round slowly at the hemlock
- 140: They had hardly arrived there when Trefusis was announced
- 141: Trefusis uttered a low whistle
- 142: The first person she saw there was Trefusis
- 143: She has gone off with Trefusis
- 144: Erskine sat on a sofa with his head drooping
- 145: He may well call himself an economist
- 146: And being fond of my bachelor freedom
- 147: Said Gertrude with quiet contempt
- 148: Erskine has as much at stake as you
- 149: Is not renunciation the beginning and the end of wisdom
- 150: Judged by the fictitious and feminine standard of morality
- 151: Erskine is not dead of a broken heart
- 152: The only real kingship of our century
- 153: To gratify Jansenius I waived this objection
