Produced by Charles Keller

UNCLE JOSH'S PUNKIN CENTRE STORIES

By Cal Stewart

Preface

To the Reader.

The one particular object in writing this book is to furnish you with an occasional laugh, and the writer with an occasional dollar. If you get the laugh you have your equivalent, and the writer has his.

In Uncle Josh Weathersby you have a purely imaginary character, yet one true to life. A character chuck full of sunshine and rural simplicity. Take him as you find him, and in his experiences you will observe there is a bright side to everything.

Sincerely Yours

Cal Stewart

Contents PREFACE

LIFE SKETCH OF AUTHOR

MY OLD YALLER ALMANAC

ARRIVAL IN NEW YORK

UNCLE JOSH IN SOCIETY

UNCLE JOSH IN A CHINESE LAUNDRY

UNCLE JOSH IN A MUSEUM

UNCLE JOSH IN WALL STREET

UNCLE JOSH AND THE FIRE DEPARTMENT

UNCLE JOSH IN AN AUCTION ROOM

UNCLE JOSH ON A FIFTH AVENUE 'BUS

UNCLE JOSH IN A DEPARTMENT STORE

UNCLE JOSH'S COMMENTS ON THE SIGNS SEEN IN NEW YORK

UNCLE JOSH ON A STREET CAR

MY FUST PAIR OF COPPER TOED BOOTS

UNCLE JOSH IN POLICE COURT

UNCLE JOSH AT CONEY ISLAND

UNCLE JOSH AT THE OPERA

UNCLE JOSH AT DELMONICO'S

IT IS FALL

SI PETTINGILL'S BROOMS

UNCLE JOSH PLAYS GOLF

JIM LAWSON'S HOGS

UNCLE JOSH AND THE LIGHTNING ROD AGENT

A MEETING OF THE ANNANIAS CLUB

JIM LAWSON'S HOSS TRADE

A MEETING OF THE SCHOOL DIRECTORS

THE WEEKLY PAPER AT PUNKIN CENTRE

UNCLE JOSH AT A CAMP MEETING

THE UNVEILING OF THE ORGAN

UNCLE JOSH PLAYS A GAME OF BASE BALL

THE PUNKIN CENTRE AND PAW PAW VALLEY RAILROAD

Table of contents (by pages)

• 1: Uncle Josh's Punkin Centre Stories by Cal Stewart
• 2: Thar's none comes up at all To My Old Yaller Almanac
• 3: Read 'em in My Old Yaller Almanac
• 4: Had my pockit book right in my hand
• 5: This here ain't the Sturtevessant hotel
• 6: I wuz sort of sot back fer a minnit
• 7: Coz I'd lost that lotery ticket
• 8: I guess he wuz Superintendent of the institushun
• 9: What do you want with the post offis
• 10: When I cum in here I had a pockit book in my pockit
• 11: When some feller throwed a bananer peelin' on the sidewalk
• 12: The durned thing wouldn't be that at all
• 13: And fust it sed in and then it sed out
• 14: Thar wuz the Jefferson Markit Cort
• 15: But Lige sed Bargin or no bargin
• 16: We went down that troff lickety split
• 17: Delmonico must hav a right smart purty good sized tavern
• 18: And a feller is reminded that once again it's Fall
• 19: Ezra sed Sure thar's five dozen
• 20: The boys took me into the paster
• 21: I never caught up to that blamed markit
• 22: What hav ye got to sell anyhow
• 23: Which made them so allfired hot that they turned into steam
• 24: Si Pettingill alowed he'd sing a song
• 25: And I do further offer an amendment to the original moshen
• 26: We called it The Punkin Centre Weakly Bugle
• 27: Jist then the doin's took a turn
• 28: It had a five foot boiler and a seven foot whissel
• 29: No more bisickles fer your Uncle Josh
• 30: No one sed anything fer about a minnit
• 31: Thar wuz a cirkus cum to Punkin Centre
• 32: From Waddletown to Widdletown
• 33: But I took a likin' to Yosemite Jim
• 34: Do you want to buy any pertaters
• 35: Jist a gettin' soshability at ten cents a soshable