Images of pages 244-284 were kindly provided by Special Collections at the University of California Library (Davis)
THE YOUNG LADY'S MENTOR
A Guide to the Formation of Character. In a Series of Letters to Her Unknown Friends
by
A LADY.
Philadelphia: H.C. Peck & Theo. Bliss.
1852
PREFACE
The work which forms the basis of the present volume is one of the most original and striking which has fallen under the notice of the editor. The advice which it gives shows a remarkable knowledge of human character, and insists on a very high standard of female excellence. Instead of addressing herself indiscriminately to all young ladies, the writer addresses herself to those whom she calls her "Unknown Friends," that is to say, a class who, by natural disposition and education, are prepared to be benefited by the advice which she offers. "Unless a peculiarity of intellectual nature and habits constituted them friends," she says in her preface, "though unknown ones, of the writer, most of the observations contained in the following pages would be uninteresting, many of them altogether unintelligible."
She continues: "That advice is useless which is not founded upon a knowledge of the character of those to whom it is addressed: even were the attempt made to follow such advice, it could not be successful."
"The writer has therefore neither hope nor wish of exercising any influence over the minds of those who are not her 'Unknown Friends.' There may, indeed, be a variety in the character of these friends; for almost all the following Letters are addressed to different persons; but the general intellectual features are always supposed to be the same, however the moral ones may differ."
"One word more must be added. All of the rules and systems recommended in these Letters have borne the test of long-tried and extensive experience. There is nothing new about them but their publication."
The plan of the writer of the Letters enables her to give specific and practical advice, applicable to particular cases, and entering into lively details; whereas, a more general work would have compelled her to confine herself to vague generalities, as inoperative as they are commonplace.
The intelligent reader will readily appreciate and cordially approve of the writer's plan, as well as the happy style in which it is executed.
To the "Letters to Unknown Friends" which are inserted entire, the editor has added, as a suitable pendant, copious extracts from that excellent work, "Woman's Mission," and some able papers by Lord Jeffrey, the late accomplished editor of the Edinburgh Review.
Thus composed, the editor submits the work to the fair readers of America, trusting that it will be found a useful and unexceptionable "Young Lady's Mentor."
Contents
Contentment 7
Temper 31
Falsehood and Truthfulness 52
Envy 61
Table of contents (by pages)
- 1: The Young Lady's Mentor by An English Lady
- 2: And your struggle against a discontented spirit
- 3: And not only past difficulties and dangers are remembered
- 4: Enjoy any intercourse with congenial minds
- 5: Can still accomplish much by the aid of self denial
- 6: Reflect what trials and difficulties are
- 7: Interfering actively and habitually
- 8: But when the approbation of God is the object sought for
- 9: By a series of petty but continued annoyances
- 10: And its after harrowing doubts and fears
- 11: Make this annoyance your first opportunity of victory
- 12: You feel that you are not only disobeying God yourself
- 13: Whether you yourself are asking amiss
- 14: 30 Whenever your conflicts cease
- 15: Consider each vexatious annoyance as coming
- 16: And the possible feelings of the offender
- 17: As towards strangers or mere acquaintance
- 18: Is not their step shunned in the passage
- 19: Completely under your own control
- 20: Habitually affecting your temper
- 21: From Galen down to Sir Henry Halford
- 22: Under the sanction of vivid imagination
- 23: May lead you on to future habits of cowardice and deceit
- 24: I am not supposing that there is any tangible
- 25: That no vice can be more difficult of extirpation
- 26: Experience some sensations of pleasure
- 27: Is the connection between envy and jealousy
- 28: Or the accomplishments so highly extolled are preserved
- 29: In the pain she inflicts on the depreciated child
- 30: By envying the preferences shown to others
- 31: And she who indulges it becomes as unlovely as unloved
- 32: Not because they are necessarily connected with selfishness
- 33: The derangement may otherwise soon become incurable
- 34: And the more trying duties of tending the convalescent begin
- 35: And certainly more self denying exertion afterwards
- 36: If you have allowed others to encroach too much on your time
- 37: With which the unselfish are gratified and rewarded
- 38: This is the self scrutiny I recommend to you
- 39: 55 FOOTNOTES 40 Archdeacon Manning
- 40: Your annoyance may seldom or never express itself in words
- 41: You may hear falsehoods asserted
- 42: Little natural conscientiousness
- 43: You may hear the devoted worldling
- 44: They are susceptible of indirect influence alone
- 45: Exacting and unforgiving requirements
- 46: A suggestion that exactly suits your present need
- 47: The wide distinction that exists between modesty and shyness
- 48: The shyness of its animal nature
- 49: To you this virtue will be doubly difficult
- 50: Which is the true test of avarice
- 51: Of your creditor may suffer by your inability to pay him
- 52: Only of acts of previous self denial
- 53: When a greater gratification is within your reach
- 54: Of entirely personal gratification
- 55: Happier those from whom such temptations
- 56: Is proportionally more admirable than in ordinary women
- 57: Or from what they consider suitable for you
- 58: The humiliation of even temporary regrets
- 59: Which uncongenial society would entail upon you
- 60: The frivolous and the ignorant for their constant companions
- 61: And the only safe topic of conversation
- 62: Embroidering lives of your thoughtless companions
- 63: The most hopeless and pitiable kind of ennui
- 64: To the pleasures of intellectual pursuits
- 65: Whether it have a professedly moral tendency or not
- 66: Which intellectual culture can highly improve
- 67: And the enjoyment derived from it
- 68: And every thing will have its allotted time
- 69: In the progress of such experiments
- 70: Though only a self imposed one
- 71: At once with materials for the deepest thought
- 72: Coleridge is truly a Christian philosopher at the same time
- 73: The works of the German philosopher Kant will
- 74: The Scientific Dialogues of Joyce
- 75: Fiction in this form is now considered universally allowable
- 76: To study poetry artistically alone
- 77: But with less accuracy of aesthetical perception
- 78: Never attain to the same degree of excellence
- 79: Assisted by careful cultivation
- 80: Arnold upon Modern History contain
- 81: C'est la recherche que je lui demanderais
- 82: Lest I make my brother to offend
- 83: Your feminine high mindedness may
- 84: As long as a course of this self indulgence is continued
- 85: Without the furnaces thus placed within reach
- 86: In the dissipation of a London season
- 87: And self denial which it involves
- 88: Evil tendencies may be slumbering in your bosom
- 89: With respect to worldly amusements
- 90: That good is mixed with their evil
- 91: However momentary may be its indulgence
- 92: The influence of women on society
- 93: The influence of women was decidedly beneficial
- 94: But expressive satire of Luther
- 95: Placing the two sexes in the position of rivals
- 96: This fundamentally true principle
- 97: If society at large be benefited by such cultivation
- 98: While it enlightens the intellect
- 99: The worldly and the intellectual
- 100: Before making any strictures on intellectual education
- 101: Another most pernicious effect is
- 102: Cultivate the intellect with reference to the conscience
- 103: The conventual spirit has survived conventual institutions
- 104: The conventual spirit has been in injurious operation
- 105: The illusions which arise from that ignorance
- 106: If the worldly find the wealth
- 107: To the desire of worldly establishment or aggrandizement
- 108: Though often of the utmost difficulty and nicety
- 109: There is the same exquisite and inimitable delicacy
- 110: Are in reality so many metaphors
- 111: And colouring with their own hues
- 112: When to that sole Palm he came
- 113: The wretchedness which it produces may not be so intense
- 114: That instead of mending the world
- 115: Are received with distrust and suspicion
- 116: In our relations with inconsistent persons
- 117: A moral perception of inconsistency
- 118: So virtues originating in effort
- 119: But of simplicity as opposed to sophistication
- 120: So that they may be the emanations of a benevolent heart
